White privilege and negative implications of well intentioned actions on social media

Dear White people;

These following posts are a series of thought and options I think we need to consider. I consider myself both the writer and the recipient of these ‘letters.’

White privilege and negative implications of well intentioned actions while be an ally on those we are trying to help. I’m going to refer to my first post and bring some of that text into this post.

So you’re an activist now . . . ok you’ve been to some protests, made some social media posts, and called out a friend of a friend on social media on a comment they made you see as racist or a sign of their white privilege.

I’ve got a few things to say.

As you say ‘check your white privilege’ to other white people make sure you are also checking your own (this goes for me too).

This is where I have an internal battle with myself and where I try to weigh out the possible positive and negative of my actions. Do I call someone out for racist behavior or comments or not when I don’t know them? Is it helping with the change I want to see happen or is it hurting the cause and people I want to be an ally to?

Over the last few weeks I have seen white people calling out other white people. That is good, ‘Silence is Violence’ but unconsidered action can potentially lead to violence against the very POCs (People of Color) you are trying to be an ally towards. How? Well, white people are real delicate flowers. Take a moment . . . this means you and me too. WE ARE DELICATE. We want to explain ourselves and defend ourselves as soon as we are told we are wrong or called out on something. We tend to internalize and take things super personally. I am guilty of this. ‘I didn’t mean it that way.’ ‘I wasn’t trying to . . .’ or ‘Sorry, I was only . . .’ But the reality of it is it came across as wrong. Regardless of our intentions it is an offense any we have offended.

So if you’re supposed to call out other white people how can it be hurting POCs? Ok I’ve got a few examples for you to consider. (Also, don’t worry I’ll suggest some kid glove ways to handle your fellow white offenders, but ultimately how you choose to call other white people out is your choice.)

When you troll a friend of a friend or a person in a public group you can do so with the potential for disastrous results. Not to yourself, because you have a white privilege here that will protect you down the road, but negative impact for those you are trying to be an ally to.

Here is the scenario:

You see ‘Nancy’ a friend of a friend say something racist on your friends social media. With all the gallantry of storming forward and calling them out you have some good pithy back and forth with ‘Nancy’ who you’ve never met and probably never will. She’s a racist so you aren’t trying to be friends with her after this. You then troll her and go to her profile and screen shot it. Post it on your page as a presentation of you good deed and triumph over evil. Maybe you or one of your friends now even further removed from ‘Nancy’ realizes from her profile where she works. You or they call said company sending the screen shots of ‘Nancy’s’ comments.

This is what can happen from your action. ‘Nancy’ is publicly barraged with an onslaught of verbal abuse on social media. Has anyone changed her mind or helped her see the light? No, not at all. You have though made her bury her head in the sand further, you or your friends reaching out to her job to let them know they employ a racist may get ‘Nancy’ fired. Or if she is a small business owner you barrage her Yelp and Google with bad reviews. She may have some anger directed at you for ruining her life, because she probably won’t see that she ruined her own life by her own actions. We white people can struggle to see our own flaws and mistakes and often direct it outwards to others. You will fade from her mind on one level, and let us be honest, she will probably block you or vise versa. You two could even pass each other on the street in the future or in the grocery store and not even know you just passed each other. She and you are just another white person in your mostly white world.

But what possibly could grown inside ‘Nancy’ is directing that blame and anger she initially had towards you towards all POCs she encounters. A festering hate she can direct her blame at. She might now call the cops on someone and exaggerate their actions to be a physical threat to her, she might call the cops on a child playing in the park and describe him as a man rather than a child, or she might go vigilante on someone jogging though her neighborhood.

Basically I want to say to you if you aggressively call a white person you have no regular face to face or social interaction with or that you don’t know you aren’t going to change their mind or correct their behavior. I mean has that ever worked on you? Without that face to face interaction or a personal relationship you can’t gauge where the other person is in the conversation and if they are shutting down.

Yes, their action or comment was racist and it should be pointed out and called out, but for me personally it doesn’t feel like a win or like I am being a good ally. I will not patronize their business and I will tell others about why I think they should also boycott a business. Boycotts work great, there is a long history of how effective they can be.

So what options do you have with those people you don’t know?

It’s a God Damn kid glove situation because we white people are so Damn fragile and breakable and sensitive. So when you trolled ‘Nancy’s’ profile and saw where she worked you probably also saw maybe she was a member of a church. Ok, so you don’t call her out to the church, but you can call her out this way with your newly discovered information about ‘Nancy.’ Call upon her core values, is what she is saying or doing inline with those values she claims to have? You might say to her ‘As a fellow Christian I am in conflict with [whatever ‘Nancy’ said] I like to think about [here you can share a Bible verse or other basic Christian principle].’ Now if you are not a Christian you might say. ‘I understand the Christian values of [state one here] seem to be in conflict with your views on . . .’ ‘Nancy’ might lash back at you, but you can leave it there. Or you can kindly suggest a resource for her or offer further conversation off of the social media platform. What you have done there with this white stranger is planted a seed. You have not enraged her further in a way that can cause her to lash with an escalated anger at POCs in her daily life.

Basically I am asking you to take consideration and accountability for your actions. Storming in as a hero on social media is far from heroic, it can have implications you and your white privilege you won’t be at the receiving end of in later weeks or years. Personally I don’t want to grow someones hate and I don’t want to grow someones insular circle of comfort by cutting them off to outside ideas. I also don’t want things to go overlooked and excused as minor infractions. Micro-aggressions are real, and they add up and they are inexcusable.

I’m not saying don’t call people out on social media, but I am saying that it is often the least effective way to change a persons mind, and that there might be conciequenoses beyond your actions. I am very willing to agree some high profile public calling out of public/community figures on social media have shed light on bad behavior of people in public office, and those people needed to be removed from those positions of power and influence, they should face the consequences of their actions.

Personally, this is internally always a sticky situation of do I or don’t I call someone out I don’t know. I ask myself what the benefit is of my actions. Is it just self-righteous justice for myself in the moment or is it helpful? When I have chosen not to call someone out publicly I also analyze that choice. When I don’t call someone out am I hiding behind a white privilege of not wanting to upset the apple cart, and just keeping the peace because that is easier than being uncomfortable? How do I approach that situation differently next time? Is it possible to go back and say something after the fact?


For understanding how we don’t consider fully our whiteness I recommend the following books and podcast:

So You Want to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo

and the podcast Seeing White from Scene On Radio

For understanding where the ‘Nancy’s’ of the internet may have developed their ideas I recommend the following books:

Mothers of Massive Resistance: White Women and the Politics of White Supremacy by Elizabeth Gillespie McRae

and White Trash: The 400-Year Untold History of Class in America by Nancy Isenberg